Founded on the basic concepts of compassionate communication, trauma-informed care and motivational leadership courses galore (my first one was Covey's 7 Habits...), The Mindfully Applied Method was born of the shared sweat equity of tear-stained sessions as much as it was individual tearshed equity and a willingness to sweat it out with others through many a session. Side Note: Do the hard things. It's worth it. If for no other reason, to find clarity and self-assuredness about what's worth it to you.) Maybe the increased momentum is a secondary gain, but I bet you notice the difference. And like it. And smile.
I love Scrabble!
So, What IS The Mindfully Applied Method? In Short: Recognize, Simplify, Repeat.
FIRST RECOGNIZE
1. Deep & Active Listening Practice - Timed and/or timely segments of listening and being listened to, with an objective observer, between two participants. Although they can be external, the primary observer is within each participant, as played out in the role of the listener. This is how the practice got its name, the mindful part. This method is, at its core, a practice of mindful awareness. The practice of realizing the perspective of the allegedly outside observer. This part of the session can often feel like collaborative meditation. And while this is not what it is, "set up," as, the sensation of two or more gathered is distinct and distinguished by our process and response to it. Thus it grows easier to recognize, thereby summon and thus it gradually and inevitably becomes increasingly more familiar. Isn't it wonderful that we can actually make this our default state of being?!
SECOND SIMPLIFY
2. Discernment of A.) Thought From Emotion, & B.) Want From Need - This is the internal work-as-you go...ongoing. It's difficult to focus on sometimes, and that's why we practice. To make it easier. I promise to keep it simple. We'll use tactile sensory supports as-needed. Another way to put it is, we're going to get really good at asking all the best questions. This is the part of the process where we start to see the needle move, in terms of tangible growth. I work to point out every new milestone we surpass, regardless of the speed at which we go, and offer celebration.
3. Check For Understanding - "Mine" and "Yours" This is an intentionally "Propaganda-Free Zone"...because...propaganda is for selling stuff or convincing, which is representation of credit/blame patterns as well as punishment/reward systems. Our purpose is clarity, and as Brené Brown has put it, "Clear is kind." Our focus here is to invite compassionate speaking and listening. Practice noticing then notice what you're choosing to think, say and do. And keep noticing.
THIRD REPEAT (AKA INTENTIONALLY PRACTICE)
4. Regenerative Reciprocity - Becoming a skilled listener automatically enhances your skill of becoming a skilled speaker. A simple way to think of it is, "ordering your thoughts" rather than, say...mood-eating your way through whatever's at the buffet where you stopped for gas. Becoming an inwardly compassionate communicator automatically enhances compassionate outward communication. (Now read that again, and substitute the word compassion for the word "clear.") Feeling more powerful yet?
5. Selective Speech Pattern Development - Choose to use words such as want, like, prefer instead of need. Or choose phrases like, "I'm wondering/curious about/leaning towards...thinking about..."
The way of thinking that supports this skill is an all-inclusive one, often referred-to, in modern day terms as, "yes...and..." It requires a certain degree of vulnerability aka humility on display. It's momentary and a natural prerequisite to the process. The way to be certain is to keep noticing throughout the entire process.
Adopting a “Yes…and…” perspective starts with knowing your own “yes…”, and your own “and…” It often comes to fruition as the question, "Is this expansive?" Perhaps even better, "What about this is expansive?"*
*Now substitute the word expansive with whatever the objective word might be on any given project in your day: profitable, helpful, cleansing, relaxing...
Another way to practice is to state what is, instead of what isn't. Look at that, we simplified AND REPEATED!
Side Note: Meant to be fresh and innately adaptive, these phrases are intentionally placed in first person present tense. Always sharpening produces a "never a dull moment" effect. Keeps us naturally interested and interesting, by the way. Develops a sense of, "We got this." It is a possibility in any given moment. Anticipation as a sensation, a pleasant one, replaces the sense of doom spawned by always looking for what is wrong with every encounter. (We come by this honestly, it's called Survival instinct. Also: Desperation or Lack Mentality.) We can have a daily sense of being ever-new and renewing. If you have read this far perhaps you seek motivation or momentum for your next step, whatever that may be. Whatever it is, I want to assure you right now that you're in the perfect place for your process to unfold, and this process is meant to elucidate your motivation, whatever that looks like, in a non-harming and clarifying manner.
Motivation (the opposite of inertia) requires and bears increased action. The more we do the actions we are actually motivated to do, the more we feel motivated, even if we didn't feel motivated when we began. This is one way we use rote memory to our advantage, to increase motivation itself, as if exercising a muscle. This increase comes from wherever we find meaning, and we find meaning wherever we look, based on how we are looking at whatever we are looking at. Can we look at what is, instead of what isn't? Can we skip straight to solution sometimes, straightaway, upon recognizing an emotional tap? The more we look at something, the more we find meaning in it. It is possible to choose where to focus each moment, and how. Therefore it is possible to choose to see what feels most meaningful and even to choose what to make meaning full in our lives, then expand it. To choose how we see it, even to the point of becoming excited and joyous in the face of challenges. This is how we grow and harvest intrinsic motivation and defeat patterns of inertia in real time.
As your mindset coach, my role in this is encouragement. Free samples are great, aren't they?!
Sooooo...what's that picture of Scrabble doing at the top of this post?
All of this is best seen as a game of sorts, where we have the option to play on the board or off. In other words, we can practice within tangible guidelines and even rule-structured context or casually "wing it." That's the nice thing about working with a practitioner. You do the expressing, I'll tend to the cheerleading, curating, and pointing at it. Until you do. I am here to be un-hired as much as I am to be hired.
So...have you ever simply carried around a bag of Scrabble tiles with you, just for the fun of it? Wanna'? I invite you so to do.
Joseph R. Broussard,
M.Ed. - Counseling, Owner and Lead Consultant at Mindfully Applied Communication
Find your way of being one big yes! Because inclusion is the opposite of resistance. Where resistance brings exhaustion, inclusion will infuse energy.(Besides, how else are you going to incorporate EVERY energy into your superpower of any given moment?)